| Rantings of a mad woman | |
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Sunday, July 17, 2005 What is love? Haiz, love is so intangible... cannot be measured physically... but yet my life revolves around it...why do i feel the way i feel? damn... think i'm comparing him with other more romantic and more thoughtful guys... then again, since i myself is not the bake-brownies-cook-ten-course-dinner-for-bf kind of gal, how can i expect him to be a lovey-dovey boy at my beck and call... always tot that this is not a problem.. i think it's still not.. is it? haiz.. damn, everything keeps goin round and round and there's no answer... i keep giving him the cold shoulder.. so wat does it mean? is it bcos i dun love him anymore? got no more feelings for him? or is it bcos i'm unhappy with certain issues and i'm showing it in my behaviour towards him? but if that's the case, then wat am i unhappy with? small things, big things, issues that were never issues before but have jus risen out of nowhere now and have decidedly become a big factor in the success of the relationship.. damn.. think i'm like julia robert's character in "Runaway Bride"... in terms of mentality that is.. running away at the very last moment when she's walking up the aisle.. with the exception that i'm not getting married (nor any time soon).. think i'm turning my back on him cos the thought of our future rushes at me and it's jus very creepy... i mean for god's sake.. this lady here(ME) havent even got a freaking job.. and i'm supposed to be thinking about how i can help my husband in his business nex time.. damn, getting angry as i typed.. haha how feelings change.. i was supposed to be feeling kinda confused.. gotta be my hormones at work, creating chaos in my brain... as if i dun have enough in my head to deal with! hmmm... or is it bcos he's my first... there's always the tempting thought that there's someone out there for me that's goin to be even more suitable than him? but like my fren told me, if i get married nex time, i would have to be committed to the relationship so i guess stray thoughts are not goin to help the marriage is it? but.. i'm not married now wat!!!! argh.. that's a terrible thought rite (condemn myself) so he's goin on another 6 months IA in december... i'm supposed to wait for him.. i mean willingly la of cos.. why can't we jus leave it to fate? all these time... no one has really attempted to go after me.. cos i'm labelled "attached" (chopped onto my head) but i have a number of crushes.. like i'll imagine wat it'll be like with another guy.. then scenes of us pak-tor-ing will play in my head like a movie.. of cos minus the quarrels that a real relationship brings.. is this normal? they're not premonitions that this current relationship i have is doomed is it? argh... i'm not making sense liao.... haiz... think i'll go with my original plans: which is to procrastinate! haha... well, i'll give myself 10 days of break.. go china.. dun think too much.. come back and see how.. i mean, issues such as these cant be rationalized into problem sums and expect to have a formula to follow and correct answers... 0 comments
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about Më NICKNAME: misa OCCUPATION: officially unemployed (no more school holidays! sienz) BIRTHDAY: 28feb, supposedly Pieces but am really an unromantic person with not much artistic inclinations except for the occasional off-key karaoke singing OTHER WACKY INFO: enjoys big-time nuaing! song of the moment Any Michael Buble songs hot links Ang moh song lyrics archives January 2005 |